Faithful musings
by AnkaS
Summary: The team and musings on faith. Some charecter study with a bit of fluff, angst and romance mixed in.
1. Hope and Grace

Ahh, its been long while but I finally have time to write properly again and this really helps. I'll probably do drabbles for now, see how it goes, but definetly enjoying this fandom.

Anyways, this will be a collection of five chapters, focusing on each member of the team and the subject of faith,

plus a little speculation and of course romance;)

This first one is rather fluffier than my normal stuff but its raining and I'm in the mood for some holiday cheer.

** Disclaimer: as usual, nothing is mine but the plot**

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**_Hope and Grace_**

"So, what's everyone doing for Christmas?"

Her voice is bright and cheerful as she poses the question to the rest of the team.

This is her favorite time of the year and she's so exited she hardly notices the reactions of her colleagues.

"Family function," Cho says in a monotone and doesn't elaborate though she hears him afterwards grumbling halfheartedly about an 'ambush' and 'grandkids'.

"Dinner with the parents," Rigsby offers, describing his mother's cooking with a warm, slightly dreamy expression.

Silence from the other two.

As she expected both have escaped to their respective safe spots; Lisbon hiding behind the paperwork in her office and Jane feigning sleep on his couch.

It makes her sad knowing that they will probably spend the evening alone but to say something would be worst.

Her boss would just shut her down and the consultant retaliate with something hurtful.

So she leaves the office slightly pensive, wishing others could have some of the warmth she is feeling now. Naive as it may be.

Too nice, too trusting, gullible, she had been called all of those things but she doesn't care

Despite the ugliness she sees everyday

Despite all the bad things

She has hope

Walking along the street lined with twinkling lights, watching couples and families, she can't help but smile. This is why she does her job, to help people, to do some good, even if it seems foolish to the cynics of the world.

There is a small church close to her place and she joins the early crowd, sits in the candle lit semi-darkness, feels comforted, soothed, connected

A part of something miraculous,

In the morning before she drives to spend Christmas day with the family she stops by her work, shopping bag in hand. The place looks deserted but to her surprise there is still a light on in Lisbon's office. She peeks through the shutters and smiles. They are parked on opposite ends of the couch, hands only just touching, a wine bottle and two empty glasses on the table, both fast asleep.

Careful not to make a sound she places their presents by the door and the guy's by their desks and leaves, uplifted by the fact that for once she is right.

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Grace is a sweetheart;)

I'll probably do Lisbon or Jane next. Reviews are always welcome!


	2. Solace

Ok, so here is Lisbon's chapter. I thought it'd be appropriate with the first Lisbon-centric episode. Thank you to everyone who's reading and especially those who review!

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****Solace**

She watches as they take the body away, her hand instinctively reaching for the object around her neck.

Another life on her conscience.

She closes her eyes, hoping that no one is paying attention, silently asks for forgiveness.

The metal is warm against her skin, a comforting, familiar presence.

It doesn't absolve her but it makes the weight a little easier to bare.

The memories linger,

Smiling faces on a bright summer's day,

Her mother takes her aside, holds up the delicate chain and slips it around her neck. Murmurs in her ear. Promises it will protect her, watch over her.

Arms holding her tightly

A gentle voice singing her to sleep.

When she opens them again the world has already moved on, the sirens are fading, people are busy clearing up the scene, everyone but the blond man observing her from across the lot.

Typical that he would catch her personal moment.

Weary, she gathers her defenses, meets his gaze steadily, almost in challenge

Her faith is a private thing, her guilt, her memories are not for others to see, not even him.

Relief, as he nods and walks back to the car, gives her space.

Later when she's back at her apartment, she sifts through a box of old photographs, looks at the faces and offers a quiet prayer.

This humble ritual is her solace;

Not in a church surrounded by strangers but in her own place with the people she holds dear.

She prays for her mother first, then for her brother's wellbeing, finally her father, always in that order.

Then just as she's putting the box away she thinks of him and the sadness behind those unfathomable eyes.

So she adds another name to the list, just this once

Hoping, as she turns off the lights, that someday he will find solace too.

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I might go an write something longer for her now.

Cho is next;)


	3. Q & A

**Ok, I've been a bit slow with this but the next updates will be faster. Big thank you to everyone who reviewed the previous chapters. You guys are great!**

**Here's Cho;)**

**Disclaimer: As always, they are not mine. I'm just having a bit of fun.**

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****The Q&A**

As it often is in his life, it starts with a question.

They'd just closed a case, a troublesome one involving a banker found dead on the grounds of a local catholic church.

He can see Lisbon fuming behind a pile of paperwork, Jane's conduct during the investigation predictably lacking in tact. The consultant is conspicuously absent, probably plotting some new creative way to apologize.

Rigsby had just gone out for some food so its him and Van Pelt. At their respective desks. Silently working. Except she keeps looking up at him every few minutes an its really starting to bug him.

"What?" She blinks, startled for a moment then finally decides to ask.

"How come you never say anything?"

"About what?"

"You know, your views on faith, life after death,"

"You mean religion?"

"If you like."

"I don't like things that can't be questioned."

"So you're a non-believer." He can see she's merely being curious, no one can think anything else of Van Pelt.

"I didn't say that."

"OK, I'm sorry. I shouldn't pry like that," she goes back to her computer but he can sense it won't last, resigns himself to the inevitable. "Its' just that whenever the subject comes up I know that Jane will be sarcastic and Rigsby will try to back me up,"

"Only because he loves you," he says casually and Van Pelt colors.

"Still. I know where they stand and its not hard to tell with the boss either, even if she keeps quiet."

"Not that quiet, she really let Jane have it when he insulted that priest." They both can't help but smile at the memory.

"Look, Its OK if you don't want to share." She's really trying hard not to be nosy and its rather endearing.

"I don't mind, I just don't know what to tell you. My mother goes to church, she made me go when I was little. It was boring. Doesn't mean I don't believe in things outside our understanding, I just don't see the point of talking about them." She looks pensive for a moment, though he isn't sure if its because of what he said or simply because it the most personal thing she ever heard him say. Finally she nods contently, smiles.

"I guess that's fair. Thank you." she returns to work, this time attacking it without distractions and he is left feeling oddly lighter .

Five minutes later Rigsby returns caring half a dozen strawberry muffins, sets one on Van Pelt's desk as he passes by.

"Did they have a sale or something?" Cho asks reaching back to swipe one for himself.

"Nope, Jane is bringing up a whole shopping cart full of them."

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**I wanted to do a more ****dialogue-****based peice with Cho, something more suitable to his charecter, so I hope it works. Plus there are hardly any Cho/Van Pelt moments on the show. Reviews are, as always, welcome!**

**Jane is next;)**


	4. Lie

**Thanks to all who reviewed!**

**So, finally, Jane. This was my favorite to write; there is a very human contradiction in this character. He's dismissive of the 'other side' yet he admits to talking to his dead wife. Rational skepticism vs. emotional need are always interesting to explore.**

**Anyways, don't mean to ramble;)**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

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**Lie **

As a child, he knew he had a gift.

Saying what people wanted to hear came naturally, all you had to do was pay attention.

Charming, with golden curls and a wicked grin, he was a favorite everywhere he went.

Desperate, lost, grieving they would come back to him again and again looking for answers.

He made them cry and he made them smile and they gave him things, money...

Money that his father used to gamble with.

As he grew older sometimes his conscience would get the better of him but never enough to quit completely.

Lying was what he was good at and if you deal in lies you don't fall for them yourself.

Eternity, forgiveness, salvation...

Life is chaotic, a string of chances, a few simple pleasures, that is all.

He comforts his latest victim, smiles for the cameras, secure in his role, in his own intellectual superiority, proud of everything, everyone he has.

Until, in a flash it is all taken away and he finally knows what its like to lose your mind in grief, to crave for something, anything to give you peace.

Things have changed, he no longer lies for his own personal gain.

A good guy now, still a skeptic.

Yet no matter how many times he mocks it in public, or confronts others on their beliefs,

There are moments he longs for the certainty,

Alone, in the dark bare room, watched over by the gruesome smiley face, the rational mind crumbles. All thats left is a broken man and the life he lost.

So he plays at make-belief...

Speaks to his wife, pretending she can hear him.

Pictures his little girl, asleep in his arms

Pretends that maybe, just maybe they are not really gone.

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Years pass and for the first time he has the strength to visit their graves. The anger is gone, the grief has all but faded.

A small hand in his. Warmth after a long winter. Always there.

Places the golden band into the soft earth, silently says goodbye.

No need to lie anymore.

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**I wanted to end it at the stars but couldn't help myself. Maybe I'm getting over a sad faze;)**

**So little add-on for the happy-ending shippers.**

**I'm going to finish with Rigsby. The first one was fluffy so the last will probably be too. Thanks to all who've been reading so far! **


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